Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse (And What to Do Instead) [episode 106]
Listen to Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse (And What to Do Instead) on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | your platform of choice
Relationships are built in the day-to-day: the small exchanges, the tone of our words, and the way we handle conflict when things start to go sideways.
I recently came across the work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman, who’ve spent more than 40 years studying what makes relationships last.
One of the things they found? When certain patterns consistently show up, they can signal trouble on the horizon. They called these the Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
In today’s episode, I’m diving into the Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse (and what to do instead). Sounds a bit dramatic (I know), but what’s even more fascinating is that every single one of them has an antidote!
If you find yourself on the receiving end of these patterns, remember: you still have power. Stay curious about what might be happening underneath the reaction, because every relationship will face conflict. What matters most is how we HANDLE it.
After all, good movement in relationships looks like choosing presence over reaction, connection over protection, and grace over blame!
In this episode, Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse (And What to Do Instead), I cover:
- The Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse + what they reveal about communication
- How criticism starts from a valid need but turns into a personal attack
- Why contempt is the biggest predictor of divorce
- How defensiveness fuels conflict instead of protecting you
- What stonewalling looks like + why it often signals overwhelm
- The antidotes for each horseman + how to use them in real time
- What to do when you’re on the receiving end
- Why awareness is the first step toward creating better connections & repairing
Resources & Links:
- The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling
- Join the Good Movement Collective
- Good Movement music by: Aaron Espe
- Podcast produced by: Jill Carr Podcasting
Connect with Terryn:
- Follow on Instagram @terryn.drieling
- Check out my website
- Send me an email at terryn@terryndrieling.com
Related Episodes:
- Episode 12: Choose Curiosity Over Criticism
- Episode 98: Every Emotion Has a Purpose: Hurt or Heal, the Choice Is in the Response
- Episode 101: One Intentional Breath: My First Step Toward Emotional Healing
More about the Good Movement Draws Good Movement podcast:
In stockmanship (the art and science of handling cattle in a safe, effective, low-stress manner), we have this phrase . . . good movement draws good movement.
It’s this thing that happens when we ask a small group of cattle, maybe a cow, or a pair to move out in a certain direction and their movement draws the whole herd into moving in the same direction.
Good movement happens when we approach the cattle with a positive attitude, read and really listen to what they’re telling us, and communicate accordingly.
We don’t approach the aware, flighty cattle the same as we do the tame, docile cattle. We adjust ourselves, our energy, and approach, and communicate with each differently.
These adjustments help us effectively draw good movement from each, which then draws good movement from the herd. But it starts with us.
The same is true for humans. Good movement starts with us.
Welcome to Good Movement Draws Good Movement, the podcast where farmers, ranchers, and rural folks can grow relationally through awareness, understanding, and effective communication.
Hey, it’s me – T. I’m your host, and I, along with my guests, will be covering topics related to drawing good movement – things like self and social awareness, brain science, positive psychology, extending grace, and so much more.
We’ll share tools that can help you understand why you are the way you are, why others are the way they are, and how you can use that to step out of self-told lies with grace and compassion to draw good movement in conversations, relationships, and life in rural America.
Tune in every Tuesday and make sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode! Let’s go draw good movement!
